Liar....if we’re keeping score

It has come to my attention somewhat fairly recently that my ex husband is either remarried or about to be.

The poor girl...I wish I could help her, and she seems really nice.

The odd thing about this is that a few months ago SH (I still call him shithead--it was a pet name during our marriage and I just know too many Chris') called me and asked for a copy of our divorce paperwork because his job was going to fire him on a technicality. I tried to help him out but couldn't find my copy either so it was to no avail. That was the last time we talked.

I did find my divorce paperwork yesterday; I need it to change my name back to it's maiden form so that I can have the same last name as the baby. I then realized that perhaps SH was lying to me...why would his job fire him for putting single instead of divorced on his application? And he would need to show PA a copy of our divorce in order to get remarried.

I just find it odd that the man would lie to me. Maybe he wasn't, this could be just purely speculation. However, it wasn't a year ago that he drunkenly called me and "wanted me back". Anyone who knows SH knows that he does a lot of impulsive (and very stupid) things and this did not phase me at all. It's pretty typical SH behavior actually and I didn't take it seriously. My point, however, is that he must not have known her very long. (He asked me to marry him after 4 weeks of dating and we moved in together at 6 weeks...granted I was 18 at the time). I do suppose now that he's engaged or remarried that his offer to be his roommate if I should move back to NY/PA does not stand. (rofl....)

I do wish them both the best...having at one point loved the man, even if we couldn't work it out, I do think that a part of me hopes that the efforts I put into him are not wasted.
And I do have a little advice for the future Mrs. White should she happen to stumble on my blog:
~Be sure and keep up with the laundry--he really hates it when it isn't done.
~Don't put bacon in the freezer when clearly it is meant for the refridgerator.
~Be sure to plan and buy a lot of meat meals for the week and at least a 36 pack of Miller Light for the weekend. He'll settle for another light beer on occasion and when he is out of a job and can't buy his own.
~Only soft toilet paper will do.
~The bathroom gets scrubbed with bleach.
~Be sure to keep your phone by your head when he is out without you and keep at least $500 hanging around for bail .
~Learn how to pick him up from the bar and make a fast getaway.
~Do not get fingerprints on the side of his truck, especially after he has just washed it. I found that opening the door with my sleeve over my hand or my elbow worked pretty well.
~Be sure to keep unemployment on speed dial.
~His dad will grab your ass if he gets too drunk--be prepared.
~Do not expect to get to pick the restaurant or the movie, ever.
~If $50 is missing from your bank account, check under the couch (cushions and all) for new video games.
~Call all of your friends and bid them farewell. Male friends are off limits and your girlfriends are inevitably sluts.
~Learn to crush up the lithium and put it in dinner in case he decides he doesn't "need" it anymore. Otherwise, I know a decent divorce lawyer I can refer you to.

Those are the important things to know, anyway. I still am slightly curious whether he really was telling the truth or if he felt he couldn't tell me he was getting remarried. Either way I do wish him the best of luck in his new relationship and I hope he's at least learned how to help carry in the groceries and open the door once in a while. And in the future (for the record) SH, you do not need to lie about getting remarried to me--I'm a big girl and quite frankly, although I still care about you in the sense that I hope you aren't dead, I could really care less if you found someone who makes you happy, and am actually happy for you (still sad for her though).

My wonderful ex taught me exactly what I don't want in a man/marriage, and although my dating portfolio is a definitely different these days, I have no doubt that someone (quite possibly anyone) could make me happier than he did. I remember when we split up I said that if it meant I had to be single for the rest of my life it would be worth it. I still stand by that.

I'm not curious enough to call, but perhaps I will send a civil text of congratulations. We'll see. In the meantime--keep it in your shoe.